Forever Connected

My Noni visited me in a dream. There are a couple of things I need to explain before I can get to the actual dream. First, I am a strong believer in our loved ones that have passed away having the ability to truly visit us in our dreams. I’ve had a handful of memorable dreams where people I have loved that are no longer with me have come to visit me in my sleep. Most notably my Nono, who has come to see me a couple of times. Second, I’ve been dealing with a health issue these last two weeks that my Noni battled on and off for a lot of her life. Simply put, I fucked myself over the first week of school by not drinking enough water, not using the bathroom enough when I needed to, and had the addition of stress to give me a minor UTI that lingered far longer than it should have. If this is TMI, too bad, it’s a common thing that women experience.

At the end of my first full week back at work, I was well aware of the fact that I had a UTI. I actually had to leave work early on that Friday to go to urgent care because I was not feeling good. Luckily, one of my work friends was able to cover my last class so I could take care of myself. Waiting in the urgent care for almost three hours, while feeling the effects of my UTI, was not fun. The last time I had a UTI was almost 20 years ago. I very rarely am knocked down by any kind of illness, so to be feeling the way I did shows that it was pretty bad. My urinalysis came back with little blood spots in my pee; I had gone to urgent care very early on, so there was only a minor infection. I was prescribed antibiotics and sent on my way.

The antibiotics helped get rid of the infection, but I was still feeling discomfort that was not normal. Like I said, I’m very rarely sick with more than a cold, so I knew that I was still having after effects. I did not sleep well AT ALL this past week because I was getting up to go pee about 3–4 times a night due to the overabundance of water I was drinking trying to flush out my system. I was starting to feel better this Thursday, but on Friday, I had a flare up of pain and was back at urgent care when work was over. They ran more tests, even did a full STI panel, and a urine culture to see if there was any infection left in my bladder. All of them came back as being clear. The doctor told me I need to cut most caffeine out of my diet because it can trigger my bladder and urethra, I also need to try to find ways to destress because that can also contribute to UTIs. Very fun stuff.

Now, to get to Noni. She would frequently get UTIs. There were a couple of times where she landed in the hospital because the infections had gotten so bad. So, after about two weeks of feeling not great, while also not getting enough sleep, I was pooped out. Friday night I went to bed early, woke up once to go pee, and fell back asleep without incident. One of my issues with stress is that if I wake up at 2:30am because I need to pee, I can often have trouble falling back asleep quickly; my mind clicks on and it’s nearly impossible to fall back asleep. I start thinking about things I need to do, things that are bothering me, or just general thoughts. This is exactly what happened. I woke up at 2:30am on Saturday to go to the bathroom and couldn’t fall back asleep for almost two hours. I got to a point where I was so frustrated that I sat up in bed and started crying, saying out loud, “I just want to go to sleep, and I just want to feel better!”

I put my head back on the pillow and swiftly fell asleep after that outburst. This is when Noni came to visit me. I haven’t had a dream with her in it since she passed away in January. I turned a corner in the dream and there she was, looking like she did when I was a kid. I immediately burst into tears and hugged her as tight as I could. It was so incredibly vivid, and I was vaguely aware of the fact that I was audibly crying in my sleep. Good thing I live alone, I guess. The dream only lasted a short while, and when I woke up, my pillow was soaked with tears and my face was still wet with them. I know that she came to see me because she knew what I had been going through these past couple of weeks and wanted to comfort me. I cried pretty much on and off all morning thinking about her, missing her, and feeling lucky that she was able to visit me. I told my mom and aunt about it, and they agreed that she was visiting me because she knew I needed her during this time.

Again, I know that there are skeptics out there who believe that once you’re gone, that’s it. I don’t believe this is true. I believe in signs, the power of the universe, fate, destiny, and the afterworld. I believe that my Noni saw what was going on and knew that I needed a reminder of her and of the love she had for me. Even though I was upset afterwards, it was a welcome visit from her. On the health front, I’m feeling better. I learned my lesson about taking care of myself first before anything else. It was a slightly painful lesson, but it at least got me a little visit from my Noni.

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