Grief is Not Linear
Even though I’m on summer break, I still wake up between 5 and 6 AM on most days. The other morning, I woke up and started thinking about my Noni. I was replaying everything that happened leading up to her death about a year and a half ago. I don’t know why I started thinking about this, but there I was, still under the covers in that early morning twilight, tears silently slipping down my cheeks. It’s a real fun way to start your morning! The moment passed after about 10 minutes, but it made me think about grief and how there is no straight path through it. People can grieve over anything that has caused them sadness for an eternity. There is no way to steadily move through this process to “get over it” as quickly as possible, and we shouldn’t do that ourselves. Falling backwards in the process from time to time is okay, and sometimes necessary.
Speaking of Grief
This past year has been a very tough one for me, and that’s putting it lightly. I recently made the decision to start shredding all of the documents I have from my attempt at getting pregnant via a sperm donor. I just feel like it’s time to let go of whatever dreams I had of that happening. There’s really no point in keeping those documents around because they’re just haunting me. I keep thinking about where in my pregnancy I would be right now if it had happened. Those thoughts are usually fleeting, and mostly happen when I’m out walking and letting my mind wander. I still grieve over the hope I had, the small glimmers of joy I felt when thinking about being a mother. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully heal from that journey.
Summer Goals
Anyone that says teaching is easy, or that anyone can do it should try it for a month, and then see if they still feel the same way. I save money throughout the year so that I can have this long break in order to recharge my batteries and catch up on some much needed relaxation and reading time. Someone once asked me if I get bored over the summer because I don’t do much of anything. Simply put, no. I find things to do and never get bored of doing nothing! My goals for this summer include reading some books that I might try incorporating into my curriculum in the next school year, writing, and hitting the beach (or a pool) at least once every week or so. So far, I’ve been able to keep up with my goals! Some people might think that I need to have bigger goals than that for the summer, but I think they’re just fine.
COVID Ain’t Gone, Y’All
Have you gotten COVID yet? I haven’t, but a lot of people around me have in the past couple of weeks. My sister-in-law, brother, and dad all got COVID. My brother and his wife think they got it from a work event that one of them had to attend. My dad got it while recently traveling in Ireland with my mom. My mom, so far, is testing negative, but I’m sure she’ll get it from my dad. All of them have had a really mild case in comparison to my bff who had a severe case about a month ago. She’s still having some issues with lung capacity, and it’s taking a while for that to improve. I’m seeing less and less people wearing masks when they’re at the store, or other indoor settings. I’m still wearing my mask when I go shopping because I would like to keep my streak alive of not contracting the virus just so I can be a winner at something! Ha. On a serious note, a lot of people are still getting COVID because of the lifted restrictions. This thing isn’t going away… ever. I know that I’ll eventually get it, but for now, I’m trying to steer clear as best as I can.
